Waiting for “It”
by Jenni
In the wee hours this morning, I finally started feeling contractions! At 4:35 am I awoke to an intense tightening of my abdomen; not very painful, but enough to let me know it was a contraction. Laying there in the dark, first caution and then excitement welled up in me as I thought to myself, “This could be it!” They continued every 10-15 minutes as I tried to rest quietly, checking the clock, thanking the Lord, and finally, waking Seth when I couldn’t keep the secret anymore around 5:30.
Being three days over my “due date”, I am eager to get this baby out of my womb and into my arms! So I was ready to call the doula, have Seth tell his substitute to cover him at work, and get this party started! “Let’s see, 6:00 am now, get through early labor here in the comfort of home, head to the hospital later today, and maybe have our son before midnight. October 27: that’s a good date to be born!” I had it all planned out in my head. 
And yet, here I sit seven hours later, feeling a little too good to be in labor. Hmm… Tick-tock goes the clock.
Isn’t that just like life? We are always so eager to get to the next stage! Whether it’s graduating, getting the job, finding the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend, getting engaged, getting married, getting to retirement, getting the kids out of the house, or just getting past this crazy day…it’s so easy to focus on getting there, wherever the next “there” may be. Before I was pregnant, I so desired to become pregnant; and to be honest, I really have enjoyed this phase of life. But now that society has communicated that my baby should have arrived by now, I struggle to stay content and focused in this moment. It’s natural to feel that way. But really, isn’t all we really have this moment?
Ann Voskamp writes beautifully of the gift of this moment concept in her recent book, One Thousand Gifts and on her blog (http://www.aholyexperience.com/ann-voskamp/). Look how she describes this phenomenon of always being in a hurry to get there:
“Being in a hurry. Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I’ve ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing…. Through all that haste I thought I was making up time. It turns out I was throwing it away.”
I know I do that sometimes. In my impatient waiting for “next”, I completely miss out on now. If I’m not careful to be fully present and grateful for the moment of life I am in right now, I am blind and deaf to the beauty that surrounds me, I am throwing away time. What small act of love can I perform today that might echo throughout eternity? How can I nourish myself and others with the abundant grace that is offered today, which I may find myself in need of for tomorrow’s journey?
Now this doesn’t mean that I won’t prepare for the future. It’s definitely important to have goals and dreams and to take the steps required to reach them. I am not advocating laziness or aimless living. Our goals for the future should guide our choices today. But still, we cannot live in tomorrow.
I choose to live now. I will not just “get through today” until that miraculous moment I long for. Yes, I look forward to what’s to come–you’d better believe I’m excited to look into the eyes of my son, and that I’ve double-checked that our bags are packed, etc! But it’s easy to glamorize the future and miss the miracle of this moment. The truth is that, once my labor does start in earnest, I’m going to experience a lot of pain before we get to the other side. Maybe that’s why Jesus counseled us “Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Speaking of which, I just felt another contraction!)
Today really is a gift. The fact that you and I are alive right now, breathing air, considering these words together, is a miracle in itself! So let’s live fully in this moment, with its blessings and its challenges.
I’d love to hear what that means for you today.
“Yesterday is History, Tomorrow a Mystery, Today is a Gift, Thats why it’s called the Present” Eleanor Roosevelt (or Kung Fu Panda) whichever you prefer – Laura
Good luck with the pending birth and staying in the moment.
Great quote, Laura. Thank you!
I’m so excited for you! I must tell you that I am a midwife, so I suppose this is part of me…waiting with anticipation for that wonder of LIFE! I will pray for you.
Dear God, Be with Jenni in every sacred moment of the next days. Right alongside her and her husband. Cause her plans to be honored, but above all, help her embrace your perfect plans for this birthday. You, the creator of this wonderful gift. You, who know this child so dearly already, having all the days of his or her life numbered and planned. You, who we can fully trust. We do praise you!
Thank you for Jenni and we pray that you make your face to shine upon her and keep her close. I pray you and her man will minister to her when the pressure increases and when she needs your strength. May she soon be holding this precious treasure. God bless!
Thank you for the prayer, Pam!
I, too, have been tempted to rush into the next stage of life – it’s hard when you’re so excited for it! But it’s good to be remembered to cherish and fully enjoy the current moment, because that’s all we truly have.
Wow. Love this post! Yes, life is a little too rushed in modern day society. That’s why I love your blog title. For me, “under the apricot tree” reminds me of lazy days with someone special, face shielded by the tree’s shade while bare legs receiving the great vitamin D that the sun has to offer.
We all need to chill down, relax and breathe. Each day is a new day and a new adventure and opportunity awaits that needs our undivided attention.
Remember the Past. Plan for the Future. LIVE in the Present.
I so loved this post today that I forwarded it to my 18 year old daughter. What a good reminder for all of us. I, too, often am eager to get to the next phase of life — but then I miss out on the “here and now”. Thank you for the reminder.
I said a prayer for you and Seth — for your delivery. This is a very special day. Cherish it. The last day for you two to be just the two of you. Parenting is a challenge — but together God will give you the wisdom and strength to face each day.
Eager to hear the good news! And thankful for your love for Jesus. Your child is so very blessed – already.
Good post Jenni! I had contractions off and on for 2 days before I had Kayley, so I know it can definitely take awhile! Be praying for you though!
Yes, I suspect it could be a while still. Patience, patience.
My wise friend Jenni, your writing is always a blessing to me.
Thank you, dear one!
Another great post! Such a great reminder and just the words God wanted me to hear, I believe. I relate so much to the waiting… my own blog is called ‘Wait and Seek’. But God has been showing me the gift of waiting is Him… this time is growing me closer to Him and in His image. And while I wait with hope, I must engage fully in ‘now’. Thanks again for letting God use your story and words! Prayers for your delivery of a beautiful son!
I appreciate your words and prayers, Erin!
Thanks for sharing this enlightening testimony! I’m excited for your baby! take care! You’re in my prayers
I like this lines the most: “Today really is a gift. The fact that you and I are alive right now, breathing air, considering these words together, is a miracle in itself! So let’s live fully in this moment, with its blessings and its challenges.” Reminds me to be STILL and Know that GOD is God!
~curlybookworm.wordpress.com
Wow, I feel like everything you say really applies to my life. I’m always living ahead and never really engaging myself in the present. Thank you for sharing this insightful thought. I truly appreciate this blog.
At this moment, living in the moment means that I just thoroughly enjoyed my two hour long trek (with a 50 lb backpack on my back) through the English countryside on my way to the nearest town to catch the train to the airport . (www.jordansgrandadventure.tumblr.com/post123456/independent) Despite my 4 newly formed quarter-sized blisters, my little journey was a beautiful blessing from my Creator. Yay for independence and enjoying creation…alone!
Can’t wait to see that baby, even if only from thousands of miles away. xoxo
Ah, I love it Jordan! Trekking through the English Countryside is definitely on my bucket list.
We watched “How Do You Know” with Reese Witherspoon last night; she’s a spunky little softball player and reminded me of you!
Let me know when you get that item “checked off” then
Haha I’ll have to see it! She’s my all time favorite actress…I think she’s always reminded me of myself, haha. Whenever I get my hair cut short I have them cut it like this picture of her on the cover of a Vogue magazine from years ago. Funny you say that!
So while you’re “Waiting for IT” as your title says, I am “Waiting for IT” as well…IT being NEWS!! Please, enlighten me! I’m dyin over here!!!
xoxoxoxo
Earlier this week we had 80 degree temperatures that suddenly dropped 50 degrees. We got almost a foot of snow and lost branches and trees all over town. We’ve lost the power in my dental office and I’ve been feeling “In Limbo” all week. It’s not like waiting for a baby, but your blog certainly hit home with me. I’ve spent the last three days rescheduling patients, from Weds to Friday and then canceling Friday too. Feeling like I’m waiting to work and putting my life on hold. I finally decided to clean out my closet so I can feel productive. Probably what I should do is go outside and build a snowman. Live in the moment! Enjoy where I am right now and not worry about what I “should” be doing or what I thought I’d be doing now. It will all work out.
Enjoy your special time right now. It’s kind of like right before the wedding… just a special moment before life’s transition.
Wow, what a wild week for you! I love your snowman building idea. Maybe clean the closet, then snow man (w/toothbrush, of course) and then a cup of cocoa.
Thanks for the great feedback everyone. I wish there was a “like” button I could push for each of your comments!
So here I am 24 hours later and my status hasn’t changed much. Still having mild contractions. Yesterday I enjoyed a walk outside with my dog, tending the chickens & turkeys, catching up on some reading, an afternoon nap, talked to several family members on the phone, and wrapped it up with a nice long dinner & movie at home with my husband. Trying to conserve my strength, focus and peace of mind for the labor-marathon ahead!
For me living in the moment is not worrying about things in the future that I can’t control. Living in my circle of influence rather than my circle of concern. It is such a reassurance to know that we constantly have the power to chose to live in the now!
So wise: “Living in my circle of influence rather than my circle of concern.”
I agree with what you said and it resonated, I often have to remind myself to stay in the present, we can waste so much time waiting for the next thing in life and I don’t want to get to the end of life and not have enjoyed it to its fullest. Praying for you guys!
Jenni,
Your blog post on stillness & waiting came at an absolutely perfect time.
I’m a senior in college and single, and I attend a small Christian university that emphasizes graduating with an “MRS” degree.
My roommate will be engaged later today, and every time I open facebook there are at least 2 or 3 more relationships to hear about.
I’m not ready to settle down, by any means, and I am content being alone until I look around me at all the relationships blossoming, until I see how happy my best friends are, and until that little pinprick of doubt asks me “what are you doing wrong?”. My society right now is telling me I SHOULD have found someone, and, though I know in my heart this is not true, I become discontent and discouraged when I begin to listen to their standards. I forget to rest in and embrace the gift of being single because I take my eyes off of Jesus and His timing, and get caught up in the schedules those around me have dictated.
Last night was an especially lonely night, but Jesus and I took a drive and I prayed simply for encouragement. This morning I stumbled on your blog. I now feel refreshed and am once again ready to be joyful in THIS stage and savor THIS moment. Thank you for being an answer to a prayer.
I pray blessings over you and your new baby, and I look forward to hearing more!
Caitlin
Caitlin, thanks for sharing your story with us. Can I just say that I am so proud of you?! You are on the right track, girl. Just keep listening to what you know to be true and celebrating the life He has given you to live today. I am still in my “waiting” phase, with labor not coming on any more, so God is allowing me to have to really practice what we’re talking about (even though it’s just hours & day sit feels long). So YOU have encouraged me with your words this morning. Keep on pressing in!
Love,
Jenni
Caitlin,
You have no idea who I am (nor I you) but your comment encouraged me SO much! I’ve often found myself worrying that someday, I’ll feel the same way you do. I’m only 18, so I haven’t had those thoughts quite yet, but my gut tells me that many of my friends will be married/engaged before I will be, and I know I’m going to have to have a lot of patience and keep going back to embracing Jesus’ timing. Thank you for the encouragement in knowing I won’t be alone.
Much love,
Jordan
trainsnherons reblogged this on Deep Within and commented: and yet…another new favorite blog! Okay…off to see if I hit my 31 posts in October goal!
For me today, that means… Being glad I’M not in labor?
(I never found out genders, so I truly was waiting for an “It” every time… Though the last time, my 3-yr-old son had vehemently insisted through the whole pregnancy that it was “a LADY-baby,” despite my cautions that it might be a little brother… He was right, wouldn’t you know…) but I digress–I thank you for the reminder to live in the moment rather than always be rushing “toward” something-or-other. Very A.A. philosophy, by the way; I wonder if Jesus were an alcoholic? 
. Best wishes for your Journey today!
Ha! I love it. “A lady-baby,” very cute.
Thanks for your input, Kana.
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CS Lewis wrote about the sanctity of the present moment. I think, or is it some of the English mystics?
This is so true, that we can touch eternity only in the present and we only exist in the present.