The Secret to Happiness

Everyone wants to be happy.

In America, we are even guaranteed “the pursuit of happiness” as a sovereign right. And most of us are pretty darn good at pursuing what we think will make us happy. Everyone has their own way of going after what they want–some work hard; some cheat, steal, and lie; and others are simply lucky. And occassionally, after all that striving or manipulating or at the end of a rainbow, we actually find our pot of gold, the thing we’d set our heart on to finally make us happy. But at some point in life, everyone realizes the bitter truth in The Rolling Stones’ lyrics, “You can’t always get what you want.” 

But there is a truth, deeper still, that surprises. To many, this truth is a terrible disappointment, an emptiness where fullness was needed. To a few, this truth comes as a welcome surprise, a gift of unexpected abundance.

What is that truth, this secret to happiness?

The happiest people don’t have the best of everything; they make the best of everything.

Yup, that’s it.  Go ahead and chew on that for a minute. Now, I wish I could say that I came up with this concept on my own, but it is actually a direct quote from the greatest philosopher of all time, the Greek poetess Hieronymous Anonymous. (In other words, noone seems to know who originated the concept and you could find 101 variations of it online. But I digress…)

Do you see how this truth could be a bitter pill for some and a sweet balm for others? If we fix our hope for happiness on getting, having, achieving, we will never reach it. Sure, we may be successful at those things, but we will quickly realize they didn’t bring the lasting joy we were longing for. However, if we open our eyes to see that everyday life is a radically extravagant gift and that the ordinary air, objects, work, people we’re surrounded by hold tremendous value, then, in that process we will surprise ourselves with happiness.

It has to do with contentment and delight, creativity and humor, gratitude and selflessness. Which one of these words most jumps out at you? Hold onto that one word for a moment…

Now,  think of a challenging situation in your life right now, something that you’ve allowed to rob you of some happiness. What would it look like if you applied your word to “make the best” of that situation? It might surprise you and turn something loathsome into a beautiful thing.

My word for now is delight.

~Jenni

PS: A warning: don’t be the donkey or the ostrich. By donkey, I mean don’t act like a martyr, moping about pretending you’re sacrificially making the best of everything to get people’s sympathy. By ostrich, I mean don’t bury your head in the ground, pretending everything’s fine and ignoring a situation that you know needs to change. This secret to happiness is meant to empower you to live abundantly in the midst of “ordinary”, not to keep you from truly living.

Poultry Pen News

Hi from the farm! Lots of fun developments in the poultry realm these days.

We moved my hens from their little gypsy cart coop in the round orchard to the big old chicken coop out back. At first, I wasn’t happy at this prospect, but the landlord, who is truly a dear, served their eviction notice so that he could spray the fruit trees. I do like seeing my girls strutting around right outside the house and having them near enough I can literally step out the side door and toss them kitchen scraps from the porch. Plus the fact that the old coop is an ancient pieced-together thing that had us joking about haunted buildings when we first moved in…not very appealing. 

spoooooky!

But the old coop was given quite the makeover, with a new tin roof, running water, fenced yard, electricity for a winter heat lamp, and my dear husband spent most of last Saturday installing a roosting bar, ramp for the doorway, nesting boxes and generally cleaning up the place. So it has been effectively rid of its ghosts. Plus, I think I’ll buy one of these cute, retro tin signs to further cheer it up.

Source: retroplanet.com via Jenni on Pinterest

 

Source: retroplanet.com via Jenni on Pinterest

.

I can’t decide between the two, so let me know in the Comments which sign you like better!

Well, the girls must be happy in their new digs because yesterday I checked the nesting boxes and found an egg! They hadn’t been laying all winter, ever since the days got cold and short. I’ve been buying local free-range eggs from my favorite market / bakery / cafe in town, Great Earth; but availability is spotty and it seems silly (and spendy!) to pay for eggs AND organic chicken feed. I just came in from the coop and found a second egg today, this one a nice olive green color. I suspect it’s the younger white pullets who’ve started laying because the size is slightly smaller and the color is different from the pale pistachio eggs I collected last fall. The little free-loaders are starting to earn their keep again. Good for them–I was starting to wonder if they’d be more helpful in a stew pot! Just kidding, I could never do that…or could I? More on that later.

So the haunted coop is rid of its ghosts, but unfortunately I have a new reason to fear going out there. The tom turkey has decided that I am a threat to his flock’s safety and has been acting aggressively toward me. We used to have a great relationship–I would tell him he’s a pretty bird and he’d puff up his chest, fan his tail feathers and be a show off. But now he comes at me like he’s going to attack and I have to keep a stick between us to defend myself from thirty pounds of butterball fury. Why the sudden change? I think I know why. These boots:

my predatorial Kate Spades

My mom & sis picked up these fun Kate Spade wellingtons on sale for me, thinking they’d be great for traipsing around the farm. But when I wore them into the poultry pen, ol’ Tom saw the animal print and his internal predator alert went wild. After a couple times in the boots, now he’s convinced that I’m the enemy even when I’m not wearing them. Not sure what we’re going to do about this issue. I think someone needs to find a new home. And it will probably be the boots.

he used to bring me roses

And the last item in our poultry news update is that, with the bigger coop, Seth and I are considering taking our poultry husbandry to the next level. But I’ll save the ins & outs of that for a later post. Meanwhile, I am looking forward to having our own farm fresh eggs again. I think I’ll make a tasty cheese omelette for our Saturday morning breakfast tomorrow.

FARM GIRL TIPS

URBAN FARM GIRL (OR BOY, FOR MY GUY READERS): Want farm-fresh eggs but don’t live on a farm? Most city ordinances allow you to keep 2-3 chickens on your property. Certain rules apply (no roosters, must be a certain distance from neighbors’ property line, etc.). Urban poultry keeping has become quite popular as people discover how fun and easy it is to keep chickens, and there’s a lot of good info out there on how to get started. Chickens do require daily attention, but it can be just minutes a day. Farm fresh eggs from hens on a free-range  or varied diet including fresh greens cannot be matched. Try them once and you’ll never want to go back to those  pale, insipid things from the grocery store.

OUTSOURCING FARM GIRL OR BOY: Not into keeping your own flock? Finding a good source for farm fresh eggs isn’t too hard. Check with your local natural foods store. Or, call the number on one of those hand-written roadside signs that advertises eggs for sale. Or, check out Craigslist by clicking “Farm+Garden” and type “eggs” in your search. Be sure to ask about the hens’ diet and pen, if organic is important to you. (By the way, just so we can laugh at ourselves, have you seen this hilarous Portlandia “Is it local?” skit? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2LBICPEK6w) But seriously, don’t be fooled into thinking that the eggs marketed as “free range” at your grocery store are what they seem; the space requirements for that certification are only a little better than the horrendous conditions that most commercial laying hens are kept in. So supporting a small-scale egg producer is a good way to direct part of your grocery money, and your tastebuds will thank you.

Have a great weekend!

~Jenni

Let’s Camp!

What combines my love for Travel, Decorating, the Great Outodoors, Tiny Homes, and All Things Vintage?

A vintage travel trailer!

Isn’t there just something so appealing about a tiny little home on wheels? Now that our duo is a trio, our days of international travel are on hold for a while; and going backpacking with a baby is probably not on the roster, either. A trailer allows us to still get out on the open road of adventure and exploration, in relative ease and comfort.

So this fall and winter we “Goldie Locksed” our way through dozens of trailers online and in person (“this one’s too big…” “that one’s too small…” “this one’s in too many pieces…”). There are so many cool vintage trailers out there in various states of disrepair. The little “canned hams” (like Shastas) are so cute, but most of them are too liliputian to hold a full bathroom, which we decided was high on our wants list. The Airstreams have major cool factor, too, but they’re pretty spendy and we didn’t want to sink our savings. The trailer that really captured our attention was the Aristocrat, designed in mid-century by a guy named Irv Perch. Irv was an areonautical engineer and he incorporated airplane construction elements in his trailers, quite cutting edge at the time. We drove up and down the highway looking at Aristocrats until, right in time for Christmas, we found the one that fit us juuust right.

Meet “Finn”, our 17′ 1970 Aristocrat Lo-Liner S/T.

Every old trailer deserves a new name. Finn may not look like much now, but Seth and I have big plans to renovate him together–new wheels, exterior paint job, fresh upholstery fabric, cushions, and curtains, and a few decorative touches to make him our own. (Not to mention some not-so-fun-to-me stuff like the new water tank and pipes we already put in and replacing some dry rot walls. Good thing my husband is a handy man, because that stuff intimidates the happy camper right out of me!) Curiously, a previous owner (PO) thought it a good idea to spray paint “Harley Davidson” on the front and the back of the trailer. Maybe he always wanted a Harley, but his wife wouldn’t let him, so he pretended his trailer was a hog? Well, that’s definitely got to go. And we’ve found a man in CA who makes reproduction Aristocrat emblems so that Finn’s dignity can be restored.

Poor Finn's backside. Lower emblem should read, "You're Following An Aristocrat"

We bought this trailer because it was functionally camp ready and we love the floorplan / layout. There are 2 separate sitting areas (couch & dinette), 3 sleeping areas (fold down couch, fold down dinette booth, &  fold down bunk above the dinette), kitchen with original working appliances, bathroom with shower and toilet, vanity w/ 2nd sink, closet and a surprising amount of storage throughout. One thing I love about RVs is how cleverly they maximize a small space. There are also windows on all four sides, which helps it feel more spacious inside.

Here are some “before” shots of Finn’s interior. He’s super clean and has nearly all original fixtures, but if you look closely at the walls, the PO’s texturing job is a mess and needs refinished. Facing rear of trailer:

(left to right): couch, closet, vanity sink, door to bathroom, kitchenette

Yes, those cushions are totally original! The fabric is fun in a funky kind of way, but it is worn and faded in spots and I’m not keen about sleeping on 40+ year old foam, so we’ll get new cushions & upholstery. The floor is also original and I’m voting for it to stay. Facing front of trailer:

(left to right): kitchenette, fridge over radiant heater, dinette, entrance door, couch

We really wanted to take Finn on a maiden voyage to get a feel for him before starting the renovation. So one weekend in January, we towed him down to Trout Creek on the Deschutes River, just 23 miles from our driveway. The weather was cold but beautiful and we had the campground practically to ourselves. This was also William’s first ever camping trip. It was just a one-nighter, but we fit in a nice evening hike upriver, plenty of hearty fare and hot cocoa, and of course several games of Gin Rummy at the table.

starting the hike, with William snug in the Moby wrap

Trout Creek is also a rock-climbing destination

back toward camp as the sunset begins

a glorious Deschutes canyon sunset

back to our little home on wheels

my boys ready for some cards

Fortunately, we brough very warm clothes for William because after returning from our hike, we discovered that the heater turns on but doesn’t work well and it stayed quite cold in there. So now we can add one more thing to the Trailer Reno List: fix the heater! William was terribly cute and perfectly content all bundled up, with fuzzy socks as mittens and his snow suit so thick his arms stuck out like the little boy from “A Christmas Story.”

bundled baby boy on his first camping trip

 All in all, Finn’s maiden voyage (manly voyage?) was a memorable success. I’ll post again soon with some visual inspiration for choosing a decorating theme for Finn!

Old Man Winter

our barn

Old Man Winter finally made a noteworthy appearance here in the northwest. Here are a few photos I snapped around the place of his handiwork.

 

Winston thinks it's the best thing since Vitabones!

 

 

 

My hens prefer their coop in this weather

I love the snow and have been singing, “Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!” Seth had a snow delay at work, so he got to sleep in a bit and make us breakfast in bed this morning, yay! But now it’s raining and melting, which is not quite so lovely. Oh well, good weather for staying cozy inside and being grateful for a warm house. Wherever you are, I hope you’re staying warm!

Come wintertime, this spruce takes center stage in our yard

The Connection Conundrum

“Technology is a queer thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other.”

~C.P. Snow, New York Times, 15 March 1971

As people who value living intentionally and in the present, how do we make decisions about the technology we use?

This is a question I personally have been wrestling with lately. You see, I lost my old cell phone and need to replace it. But instead of getting another “dinosaur”  phone, I am considering upgrading to a smart phone. There would be many benefits to me having an iPhone or Android, but I’m aware there’s also a downside. What I am unsure of is this: Do the perks outweigh the pitfalls?

The benefits are obvious.

• As a work-from-home entrepreneur, being able to engage with my clients in a variety of platforms is important. Now that I keep different office hours and often have a baby in one arm, checking email and social media accounts from a hand-held device would be a convenient alternative to wielding my laptop computer.
• We travel a lot and it would be great to have a GPS when navigating new territory.
• I’d love to easily send photos and videos of our baby to grandparents and great-grands, as well as Skype with them from anywhere.
• Clever apps could simplify my household management at home and on the go (menu planning & grocery lists, budget & bank account balances, etc)
• And of course the entertainment and social factors!

The concerns are serious.

• At what point do I become too connected and available to everyone in the world except for the people right in front of me? I do not want to become that person who is always on her phone, to the neglect of those she’s with physically.
• I work hard at my career and I LOVE it! But especially when you work from home, it’s important to establish boundaries for yourself so that you don’t wind up always “at work.” What I like about a laptop computer is that it’s portable, but also easy to shut-off, close and walk away from when it’s time to shift gears.
• Will I say after a month that “I could not live without it”? Technological dependency begs the question of whether the human is master or servant. Is there detriment to my “smart” phone thinking so that I don’t have to?
• Even with the communication technologies I use now, it’s easy to spiral out of control in a Technology Loop. (Check out this hilarious Portlandia skit on YouTube for an example: http://bit.ly/hTKXXY)

So how do I decide whether to invite this new (to me) level of communications technology into my life? Asking questions is always helpful. Questions to ask:

- Does this help me better fulfill my most important callings better (Christ-lover, wife, mother, professional, home manager, friend, etc)? Or does it hinder me from the most important?

- Is this in alignment with my core values (simplicity, mindfulness, relationships, health, spirituality, professional excellence, generosity, etc)?  Or does it undermine those values?

- Based on my track record with other tech tools, if I choose this, will I use it appropriately and moderately, or am I likely to overuse and end up in a perpetual Technology Loop? What specific boundaries would I set up for myself?

-Is this something I need to acquire now, or could the decision be made later?

- Does it make financial sense to upgrade? Is this the best way to spend those dollars?

At this point, I honestly could see myself going either way. As I spend time in these questions, I think my choice will become clear. It may seem to you like I’m making a big deal out of nothing–especially if you already have a smart phone and think it’s awesome! But don’t worry, I’m not losing any sleep over this–I just want to be intentional and not slide into decisions that will impact my life and relationships.

What about you? Help a sister out by sharing your perspective and experience! Specifically, do you have a smart phone or not, and why? If so, what do you use it most for and what’s the best/worst thing about it? 

2011 in Review + What’s to Come in 2012

Tomorrow we begin another new year. Twenty-eleven held many changes and big moments for this gal: my first pregnancy, my husband finishing his masters degree & landing a new job in another town, moving to this farmhouse, starting this blog, and best of all meeting our son eight weeks ago.

I love the fresh start we all get with a new year. Everyone needs a new beginning, a blank slate, at times. That’s why one of my all-time favorite verses is “His mercies never come to an end–they are new every morning!” (Lamentations 3:22).

On the other side of the coin, I think there’s great power in reflecting on the past; when I honestly examine how I lived last year–the beautiful moments I would relive if I could, as well as those “oops” moments I just wish I could do-over–I gain clarity and strength to press more deeply into the life I want to live, the life I was born for. I usually spend a lot of time with an empty new moleskine journal the days surrounding the start of a new year, filling its pages with reflections on my previous year and dreams & goals for the coming year. I have to work harder these days to carve out that kind of space for myself, but Seth is planning to be on daddy duty for a couple hours tomorrow while I go on a “date” with my journal. I look forward to that time, and hope you are able to  find a comfy chair in a quiet place, too.

There are several things I’m looking forward to experiencing with you in 2012 here on the blog: photographs of the farm through the changing seasons; my first attempt to grow from seed a vegetable garden to feed our family through the summer & fall; a few culinary adventures including forgotten woodstove/cast iron cooking techniques & investigating a local “raw” dairy farm; interior decorating to create a peaceful sanctuary with authentic charm; book reviews & recommendations; a secret project Seth and I have undertaken together; and of course, moments just to pause and savor with you the richness of simple living. Ahh. So many good times ahead!

Well, we’ve 90 minutes to go on the West Coast, but it’s twelve o’clock somewhere. Happy New Year, friend!!!

~Jenni

PS…if you have any geek tendencies like me and get a kick out of stats & such things, you might find interesting the 2011 annual report the WordPress.com helper monkeys prepared for this blog, below. Sure was nice of those monkeys. (A huge thank you to my readers and top commenters, as well as hosts of referring sites!)

Here’s an excerpt:

“The concert hall at the Syndey Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 26,000 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 10 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.”

Click here to see the complete report.

The Gift

It‘s Christmas Eve morning and all is quiet in our house. A fire is blazing in the woodstove, the dog is sacked out in front of it, and, although he got up an hour ago to feed the dog, build the fire, and change the baby’s diaper, my husband is back in bed with our little baby boy curled up next to him. I offered to relieve him of baby duty so he could take a shower, but he glanced down at his son sleeping peacefully by his side and said, “There’s no way I’m leaving this.”

Soon the quiet moment will pass and we will gather up our gifts and overnight bags and head out of town to enjoy Christmas with my family. We’re all staying overnight at Mom and Dad’s house (aka “Mimi & Boppy’s”). My family gets loud when we get together; lots of joking, laughing and hugging. It’s William’s first Christmas and little Mary is now three years old, the age where Christmas gets really fun. And this Christmas is special for our family because we will all be together in the house where my sister and I spent nearly every major holiday of our childhood. The house my parents just moved into was built and lived in by my grandpa and grandma. So we all associate it with warm family memories and the scent of pumpkin pie.

On top of all that family goodness, this Christmas has special meaning to me for another reason. This year I understand in a fresh way the precious extravagance of that first Christmas Gift. When I think of how tenderly Seth and I love our only son, and how fiercely we would protect him from any person who threatened to harm him, it blows my mind that God the Father was willing to give us Jesus. As immense and perfect as their love for one another, they came up with a plan to win us back, to free us from the darkness. Their love was so big and so perfect that they suffered much in order to invite us into that love.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.” (John 3:16-17)

If you have ever associated Jesus Christ with condemnation and judgment, please re-read that second verse. He came to save us from condemnation.

This Christmas, I am amazed at the Gift and thankful to the Giver. Wherever you find yourself this weekend, I hope your Christmas is meaningful as you reflect on God’s extravagant love for you and all the world.

Merry Christmas!

William’s Birth Story

(It has taken me six weeks to write this blog post. Why didn’t anyone tell me how hard it is to get things done when you have a newborn?! Oh, wait. You did!  :) Thanks for the grace and patience with me. I hope you enjoy reading our birth story. Special thanks to Cara for having the presence of mind to take notes and jot down times so I could recall the details of that night.)

It was my 30th birthday and, as the oldies song goes, “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.” After patiently waiting and waiting some more to have this baby, I was ten days past his estimated delivery date and starting to feel a bit desperate. When I cried on the phone with my doula Cara that afternoon, she said, “Don’t think I’m mean, but I’m glad you’re crying. It’s a good sign that you’re ready to have this baby.” I had slept poorly the night before and the hormones, emotions, and discomfort were having their way with me; I’d thought I would have had the baby by then, yet there I was, huge, bored and with empty arms on my birthday.

"Let's get on with it already!"

That night, my spirits lifted considerably when my parents and sister’s family came over to spend the evening with us. During dinner, I had to “check out” of the conversation every 20 minutes or so to breathe through a contraction. “Sorry for being so dramatic,” I said to my sister after a strong one. “You’re not at all!” she assured me. But the intensity I was feeling inside seemed dramatic to me. Even though the contractions I’d been experiencing intermittently for eight days were becoming more painful, I didn’t allow myself to believe I could finally be going into labor because I didn’t want to get my hopes up after so many false alarms. Little did I know…I actually was in early labor as I ate cupcakes and laughed at my family’s antics! They were the perfect distraction to get me through that first stage.

At 9:30 pm, we hugged the partiers goodbye except my mom. She was staying the night to help with house projects the next day. Mom and I plopped on the couch where she rubbed my feet, focusing on reflexology pressure points that are supposed to stimulate the uterus. “I think you’re having this baby tonight,” said my mom for the third time that night. Though she’s known for her keen intuition, I was still in denial and chastised her to not get my hopes up. But there was no denying what happened next, as my contractions increased in frequency–every 12 minutes, now every 7.

Around 11:15 pm, I went upstairs and updated Seth. He said we should call Cara. On the phone, Cara emphasized to us the importance of keeping me relaxed and rested, to conserve my strength. A few more contractions came while we were on the phone with her and she said she would throw her things together and be on the road ASAP; an hour-long drive from Sisters to Madras was between us.

Seth and Mom sprung into action, drawing me a hot bath infused with an aromatherapeutic bath tea from Shalom Mama. Mom dimmed the lights and lit candles. Seth brought me a cup of my favorite herbal tea. As I slid into that soothing water, relaxation and gratitude swept over me. Here I was, laboring in the comfort of home and it was finally happening! Thank you, God! Knowing it could be a long night, I encouraged Mom to go upstairs and try to get some rest. I wanted Seth right by my side as we had planned and he held my hand through each contraction, gently reminding me to breathe and making me as comfortable as possible.   As the intensity built, I let myself sink into an instinctual moaning sound with each exhale through contractions. Game on!

By the time Cara arrived at 12:45, the bath water was cooling down but things were heating up. By this point, the initial calm I felt in the bath was evaporating and I had gone to that deep place where my focus was totally internalized. I didn’t feel panic, but such an intensity that I can’t even describe, almost animalistic. During each contraction, I fixed my eyes on a focal point in front of me; making eye contact with anyone was not an option. Seth later said I had a wild look in my eye that he didn’t care to see again. Using a suggestion girl friends had offered, I visualized the contractions as a set of waves and tried to “stay on top” of the wave and just let my body ride it out as I breathed. Two or three times  a “sneaker” wave got the better of me and pulled me under, but Seth and Cara were there to bring me back up for air. I remember wondering if I would really be able to do this; not knowing how much harder it would get, could I really deliver this baby naturally, without pain medications? I didn’t voice it out loud, but I questioned myself and feared that I might yell out, “Give me the epidural!” upon arrival to the hospital. After witnessing a few contractions that were just two minutes apart, Cara observed that I was quite advanced in my labor process, and asked if I wanted to get out of the tub and head to the hospital. Yes, I was ready to go.

The effort to get out of the tub brought on more intense contractions and with a couple of them, I felt an urge to push. Hanging my arms around Seth’s neck and leaning on him, we “slow danced” through a few more while preparing to depart for the hospital. Cara suspected I may be in transition already.  As I walked outside with Seth’s help and got into the car, I found the cool night air refreshing and the semi-reclined position very comfortable. I think next time around I will try a seated position more during labor, as that seemed to work well for me.

We left the house at 1:35 am and arrived at Mountain View Hospital at 1:50 am. We had to enter through the E.R. and I barely made it through the doors before another big contraction hit. I leaned into Seth and he “danced” me through it. Amid our dramatic entrance (accompanied by plenty of moaning from me), we were greeted by a night nurse who happened to be immensely pregnant with twins. She asked if I wanted to use the wheelchair to get to the family birthing unit. I looked at the chair and hesitated, then said, “No.” If I entered in a wheelchair, I sensed that would put me into a helpless mindset and I knew that I would need all the strength and confidence I could muster for what still lay ahead.

On the way down the hall, we had to stop and deal with a couple more contractions. I was feeling more pressure now and the desire to push. Only steps away from our birthing suite, my water broke! My attending nurse, Megan, tried to get me situated on the bed so she could put the monitor straps on my belly for fetal assessment, but she kept getting interrupted by another wave of contractions. She must have felt like she was trying to wrestle a momma bear! Once she got the thing strapped on me, a lab technician came in and indicated he was going to draw blood and start an IV. No IV, we told him! This baby was coming soon and hooking up to an IV would have been an unnecessary nuisance. This incident made us keenly aware that our Birth Plan document had been left in the car and we really didn’t have time to go get it.

Megan checked me for cervical progress between contractions and found me to be at 10 cm already. We hadn’t planned on me being completely dilated upon arrival to the hospital, but I certainly wasn’t complaining!

Now, if you’ve ever experienced a woman in labor, you know that pleasantries go out the window and the laboring mother can become very…shall we say…direct. Since we couldn’t reach my wonderful doctor by phone, she still hadn’t arrived. When the E.R. doctor, an older gentleman, walked calmly into the room and began lining out his arsenal of shiny metal objects on a table, I started barking out the key points of my birth plan to him inbetween contractions. He seemed content to let me have the natural birth I wanted. A second doctor’s arrival was announced and, not seeing the point of an additional doctor’s presence, I loudly protested, “What is he doing here?” I know, not a very nice way to welcome someone to the party.

This all happened very quickly. At approximately 2:30, I was on the bed and finally given the green light to push! In the midst of a big effort, I spontaneously shouted, “You’d better get that doctor in here!!!” A few minutes later, she arrived in a rush, apologizing that her cell phone never alerted her that she had a message. I was so glad to see her. Cara instructed me to direct my energy down to make pushing most effective. After the second push, the baby’s head crowned and I was able to reach down and touch my child’s head for the first time. Seth and Cara supported my legs and, within two more contractions, William was delivered at 2:43 am. Seth was going to catch him, but the baby came in such a rush and I had Seth’s hand pinned to my knee during the final push, so there was no chance for him to move away from my side!

"Hello, beautiful."

The next thing I knew, a hot little squirming baby was placed directly on my tummy. I eagerly gathered him up and we were covered with a warm blanket. “Hello, you beautiful, dirty little thing,” I remember saying to him. His color was slightly purple, but within moments, he was pinking up. Soft cries told us he was already breathing well. His eyes were wide open and he seemed much more calm and alert than I expected. He was beautiful. Absolutely perfect! Seth came over to my left side and spoke his greeting to William. At the sound of Dad’s voice, which he had been hearing in the womb, William looked up at Seth with his big dark blue eyes. Amazing!

In our own little world

For the first hour, Seth and I were in our own little world as William nursed  a little and rested on my chest. Seth cut his umbilical cord and gave the baby his first sponge bath. Then the nurse was finally allowed to weigh and measure him before returning him to our side. Soon, my mom came to meet her grandson and other family members would arrive later in the day. Though exhausted, I felt absolutely elated.

Hours later, I was still charged with adrenaline and the wonder of the experience.  Giving birth to our son was definitely the most challenging, all-encompassing effort I have ever made. It was a long labor (8 consecutive days of contractions) and a short labor (only 4 hours once I realized I was in active labor). I wouldn’t have been able to do it without the incredible support and encouragement of my husband, who was the best helper I could’ve asked for. Cara, our doula, provided the information and support we needed to be empowered as a couple. My desire was to be fully present mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally to the experience. And the reward of “going natural” was, for me, just that, an excruciatingly beautiful awareness of each moment. I am so grateful that I was able to have the natural birth experience I wanted, and I wouldn’t change one thing about it, aside from maybe believing my support team more each time they told me I was doing good.

Would I do it again? Absolutely. Next time we have a child, Lord willing, I will bring him or her into the world in as natural and gentle way as possible. I look forward to being more aware of my body and the process next time, now that I know how to interpret what I’m feeling. This experience will always be something I cherish. Of course, the primary gooal and the greatest gift was bringing home a healthy, happy baby. His life is truly a miracle and source of endless joy to us.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read our birth story. I’d love to hear from you, about your experiences, hopes, thoughts, or questions. Every birth is as unique as the individuals involved!

~Jenni

Happy Thanksgiving

One more thing I’m grateful for today is you, friends!

Happy Thanksgiving from our family to you,

Jenni, Seth & William

Gratitude: A Mystic Exchange

There is power in gratitude. In fact, I believe that when we give thanks, we receive much more than we give.

The human heart is wired in such a way that our spirits can be lifted up–or cast down–depending on what we focus our attention. Even if I do not feel grateful, I can choose to cultivate a spirit of gratitude. In my own life, I have found that when I struggle with frustration, anger or sadness, the act of giving thanks transforms my perspective. It’s a mystical exchange!

Whenever I sing or write or speak or even just think of the specific blessings in my life, the color of my world brightens. In place of longing for what I do not have, I receive contentment. Instead of feeling rushed and restless, I realize I am exactly where I need to be at this moment. In exchange for selfish apathy and a dull heart, I receive a spirit of generosity and compassion for others.

What better time than Thanksgiving week to practice gratitude?

I encourage you to find a few minutes to jot down 20 things you’re grateful for. (You know  I love list-making!) Here’s my Gratitude List:

1. God’s lovingkindness to me
2. The deep peace and joy He’s given me
3. Seven years of marriage to my best friend Seth
4. Seth’s patience, wisdom, and strength
5. The new life of our son, William, who’s asleep on my chest as I type this
6. William’s health and the sweet spirit we’re already sensing in him
7. Seth’s stellar daddy skills and partnership in raising our son
8. The loving relationships we enjoy with our parents and siblings
9. That our parents and siblings are all alive and healthy
10. Old and new friends who share our joys and lighten our struggles
11. Living in the warmth, shelter, and spirit of this old farmhouse
12. The luxury of a 3-month modified maternity leave to focus on my baby
13. The people, projects, variety and flexibility my career allows me
14. My health and no longer being immensely pregnant
15. The half glass of chilled Pinot Grigio my father-in-law just brought to me
16. My mother-in-law cooking dinner in my kitchen right now
17. Not having to worry whether I’ll eat or where I’ll sleep each night
18. The beauty of nature that surrounds me
19. English breakfast tea
20. Good books

What are you grateful for today? I’d love to hear about it and celebrate that with you!

Happy Thanksgiving to you!